Arnav’s Thoughts

This is a old story , I don’t think I have had it on this site – part 5 of Khushi makes it will be up by next sunday …

Arnav’s Thoughts

Who would she be ?

She would come  like an explosion of colour

Disrupting each fragment of his black and white life

She would add shades to his perception

She would blend his corners

She  would diluted his anger

She  would melt his frozen heart

She would give him sight

She would make him smile

She would him laugh

She would restore his faithShe would be his soul mate  .

This is the opening to a 2/ part os story – contrary in terms just as Khushi and Arnav are –
How will he see things through her eyes?

“Chote ,  have  a safe trip and don’t forget we got Gupta uncles daughter staying with us for 4 weeks when you get back from scotland . Please behave when she is around , no tantrums or bad behavior.”Di ! Please stop parading these girls in front of me !”

“Arnav Singh Raizada ! Don’t think that you have grown so big that I can’t pull your ear or make you sit in a corner like a chicken”

Crap. He must have made Di really she called him by his full name. ” Sorry”

She is staying for 4 weeks if I thought she was a suitable match for you, she would not be staying here. She’s on holiday coming here for a show and a concert ok! “

“Love you Di “

“Bye Chote phone me when you arrive ok”

Khushi  carried her tea from the kitchen to the poolside and sat their quietly drinking with her back to the door. She sat in the shade of the tree so as not to get overheated .

She felt the draught of the door open strands of hair escaped and flew across her face .

“Who’s there ?”

“Arnav “

“Hi ,I’m sorry I’m invading your space ,its a very restful place -listen you can hear the birds . You cant hear that anywhere else “

“I know”

” Can i finish my tea before I leave you on your own “

She had heard the change in pace of his breathing , she could hear the tension in his words – after all she had invaded his space , she didn’t belong here . Di had said he would be arriving from London and would be tired.

“Oh sorry I forgot you have just arrived , can I ask OP to get you anything coffee ,snack or a sandwich ?”

She was stunningly breath-takingly beautiful he was completely lost in her. She was asking him if he wanted  a coffee or snack whose house was it? . Di and her plans !

“NO Thanks! I’m going to bed “

Khushi thought to herself – what happened that tone that underlying anger what had she done to upset him so .

“I’ve finished my tea. See you later “

“not if I can help it “muttered Arnav unbeknown to him heard by Khushi.

Dinner time Arnav came down to see everyone . He met and chatted with everyone and let them tell him all their news.

As they all sat down for dinner -” she ‘s not eating with us tonight “

For some unknown reason guilt raised its ugly head could she have possibly have heard ?- No , he buried it as quickly as the thought had surfaced.

It was the following day at breakfast she was laughing and making tea for everyone .She had her back to him “Arnav is that you ? What would you like tea ? coffee?”

“Neither !”

Obviously he wasn’t a morning person-or had he just got out on the wrong side of bed  ” Ok then its got to be juice”

She poured him a glass and held it out for him to take. Arnav didn’t take the drink

“Khushi Bitia Let me pass it to him “

“Still with a smile on her face anything else?”

“Please sit down only family serve !”

“Chote !”

Khushi laughed “Ok thats good then since I adopted you all as part of my ever growing family so is it toast for you then ?”

Arnav nodded stiffly

Dadi called out “he is saying yes Khushi Bitia. I think he must be jet lagged he is not normally so rude and don’t glare at me .I am your grandmother  “

She buttered the toast and passed it to Nani .

“Thanks – but i have to go “Arnav left hungry . He would grab something at work

“Nani did i do something wrong ?”

“No Khushi – he is just tired !”

“Thats ok nani  know I scare people they don’t know what to say to me “

Khushi came back late from rehearsals that evening everyone had already sat down for dinner and started.

“Hi All I’m starving i feel that my throat been cut from my stomach – I need food .”

“Khushi come and sit with me at the end and let me tell you what there is “

“No nani ji, let my stomach be tickled and cajoled by expectation of the different aromas emanating from the this table “

“Hi Arnav – still not speaking “

“I like to eat my dinner uninterrupted- thankyou . Can you pass me the kerala “

Khushi stretched her hand to the bowl in front of her she took a long fulfilling sniff of the food would you rather not have dal -it smells lovely – homemade dal with chilli and garlic tarka”

“No – if i wanted dal i would have asked for it -kerala please “

“Ahhh the magic word -let me see if i can reward you “

“She laughed and smelled the food  yup i think I will let you have this -as you said please “

Laughingly she passed him the bowl.

Khushi focused all her thoughts on her food . Arnav saw her serve herself and gobble the food down. She must have been really hungry.

Khushi finished dinner and helped Di and OP clear away the table. This was a more difficult task for her to complete but she completed it.

She made whipped coffee for everyone except Akash who had warm milk . She placed the mugs on a tray and brought them into the main area. As she came in Arnav noticed that Akash got up to  take the tray and pass it around. This annoyed him why was he helping – if anything it should have been Di ;was he interested in her? he would watch Akash.

The news items were being discussed and scrutinized and dissected. Khushi joined the debate and although she agreed with Arnav’s view point she argued just for fun. Everytime Arnav commented she put an opposing view. Annoyed with her Arnav got up and left announcing that he had work to finish.

Arnav sat by the poolside working  on his laptop. He couldn’t focus , he couldn’t concentrate every time he started her face swam in front of his eyes . Angrily he slammed down the lid of his lap top.

“Temper Temper !”

“What do you want ?”

“Nothing , just a truce – I don’t  even know why we are always arguing – I don’t with anyone else -it takes up to much energy better spent on other things “

Khushi walked up to Arnav and held out her hand . Arnav stood up to to shake it “Truce . Do you really believe that we should stop all child labour “

Khushi laughed and sat down. Arnav started discussing the pro and cons of child labour . They talked into the early hours of the morning. It was only when Khushi said “what time is it ?”

“Late – bedtime “

Arnav watched her sashay out of the room “See you at breakfast and try smiling “

Arnav lay in bed replaying the conversation she had valid arguments and backed it up ,he liked the way her hair fell across her face in the night breeze. He liked her ass it was cute especially -what the hell Arnav thought to himself that Di .He punched the pillow and focused on going to sleep.

At breakfast she was there before he was.He stared at her she did have cute ass – he really had to stop this train of thought.

“Morning Arnav what would you like ?”

“toast and juice please “

Breakfast was full of life and there was a lot of laughter at the table – how come he had never noticed this before – was there always silence when he had breakfast – he couldn’t remember .

He saw Akash running down the stairs “we are late Bhai the Shukar Bhai’s meeting has been brought forward we need to leave now “

“Akash not without breakfast “

“no Khushi we really have to go the meeting “

“Akash 10 minutes arguing with me and you know I will win or just have some breakfast which will take 5 mins”

Arnav didn’t like the banter between them ,the familiarity between them, the playfulness.

“Eat Akash she can argue for England this will be quicker “

Laughter erupted around the table.

Khushi had puri and aloo’s in her plate she got up and said sit here. Akash sat and Khushi said “open “

She place a niwala of aloo and puri into his mouth . “Chew quickly”

Laughter grew in volume round the table as Khushi fed Akash  timing each mouthful not allowing him to speak drink this see it took you less than 5 mins and we are all happy !”

“Khushi you are mad ! thankyou “

Khushi arched her face towards Akash turning her cheek to him inviting a kiss. Akash with no thought gave her a friendly peck on the cheek. ” Go now – hurry or you will be late and say its Khushi fault “

Conversation laughter carried on round the table as though this was normal , Arnav jaw clenched his hands curled into fists .

“Lets go Akash now ” Arnav thought ,was this normal no one batted an eyelid at what had  just occurred. no one commented not Nani or Mami. He must be losing the plot .

Di had said this girl was not for him . Why not ? Was she here for Akash? , for the first time in his life Arnav found himself being jealous of his brother . He actually liked Khushi. By evening his frustrations had grown, he had decided that he would have to find out what was going on in Akash’s brain .

He was sat in the evening having a cup of tea with the family , when his phone rang. By the end of his conversation his voice had grown in volume the room had fallen silent. He got up and briskly and strode across” Akash i need the Shukar brothers file “

What Arnav didn’t see was Khushi running into the house carrying a basket of flowers “Nani look what I bought ?”

CRASH- both bumped into each other Khushi fell landed hard on the floor banging her head Arnav tried to stop her from falling but instead landed on top of her . The basket landed on top of them and they were both showered in an abundance of flowers .

Everyone rushed over .

“Arnav get off me !”

“Can t you see where you are going ?”

“Get of me you idiot you’re heavy and my head hurts and my flowers “

Arnav rolled off her -Crap why was he so angry at her – it was an accident – was she hurt ? she said that her head hurt .

Before he could ask Akash was there stroking her head “are you ok ? Do you need any help ? “

Khushi sat up and rubbed the back of her head her hand felt wet she looked at her hand they all saw it. Red. She  didn’t see what they all saw..

Arnav scooped her up and placed her on the sofa “Call the doctor now Akash , Di towel  “

“I’m fine stop fussing all of you , I’ve done a lot worse this is nothing head wounds bleed a lot , how bad is the damage to my flowers ?”

“Flowers ? you’ve got blood pouring out of your head and you’re concerned about the flowers ! Unbelievable !”

She moved the compress and felt her head ” Ok its lumpy and sore but its not bleeding anymore so I don’t need a doctor – agreed .”

“Khushi are you sure your ok ?”

“Yeh I’m fine “

“Your eyes seem glazed “

“Honestly I’m fine”

“Bitia go to your room and rest “
“Nani ji I’m fine , I brought the flowers home to arrange them and I need some help, so I thought that either you or  Di could help me if thats ok “

“of course we’ll both help “

Arnav shook his head in disbelief she didn’t look right ,the doctor was on the way anyway he would check.

Op had picked up all the scattered flowers and petals but had missed two petals. As Khushi got up and walked towards the dining table she slipped on the petals . She screamed expected another hard landing, instead of putting her hands to break her fall she place them behind her head. It wouldn’t  take another kiss with the cold hard marble floor. Her face screwed up in pain expecting the worst.

But her head didn’t hit the floor she was caught in a pair of strong unyielding arms in a vice like grip. She felt his heat warm her his smell – it was Arnav’s smell He had saved her .

She slowly unscrewed her eyes and opened her emerald eyes and gazed unblikingly upwards.”Khushi you really need to look where you’re going.”

“I just needed an excuse to be held by a strong pair of hand ” Khushi pretended to feel his biceps

“Happy to oblige “

“Khushi ji I’m sorry I didn’t clean up properly are you ok  “

“HP I’m ok don’t worry .You going to let me go Arnav “

“What ? yes. Are you ok ?  “

Khushi was half way through constructing a flower ball when the doctor arrived.

“She’s in the dining area “

“Hi Khushi I’m Dr Mehtha I heard you had a pretty bad knock”

“nothing that a couple of paracetamols won’t cure “

“She is quite stubborn “

“No I’m not – forgive me I just don’t like Drs”

“Well since I’m here may I have a look? “

“Well  it doesn’t look that bad “

“I told him that – I know what a bad fall feels like “

“how long have you been blind ?”

She heard Arnav take a swift intake of breath – surely not how could he have not realized that she was blind .

“For as long as I can remember . I have been through the mill there are no miracle cures for me . I manage quite well normally I have Joe but I thought it was not fair to have him here for 3 /4 weeks so I have all of them acting as my eyes “

“well call me if you need me – she will be fine Arnav “

crap what had he said  could she not see where she was going .

“Arnav you know I have got an excellant hearing sense I can hear those cogs in your brain working overtime on comments you made – don’t worry I like to treated normally and in this house I am .”

“Khushi I ..I “

“Oh please don’t change, just carry on being your argumentative self and keep scowling “

“How do you know I’m am scowling ? You can ‘t see “

“But I can feel your scowl”

They both burst out laughing. I’ve finished my flower ball it feels good but you have to tell me what it looks like “

“Its beautiful Khushi “

Arnav replied ” in the words of someone more famous than me

“The taste of chili flakes, candy and heavy cream.

the smoothness of satin,

The pain of a burnt fingertip.

The warmth of a sunset.

The smell of roses and cinnamon.

The sound of a violin, playing a slow song.

The soothingness of warm water.

That’s the colour and look of your flower ball “

“Thankyou Arnav – that was described perfectly “

“I fancy a cup of tea does anyone want one ?”

“Yes please “

Arnav watched every move she made he watched how precise everything was in the kitchen and how she made the tea. Hey Arnav I’ve made your tea where do you want it – “poolside please I’ll be there in a minute  “

He watched Khushi carry two cups to the poolside . He changed and came in while she was sipping her tea .

“Had a shower ?”

“How do you know that ?”

“the smell of sea spray – you always smell of it in the mornings “.

“Your tea – I hope its not cold “

“Are you coming to my concert ?”

“Do I have a choice ?”

“Not if I know Di “

“I will be  coming” 

” Did you sort your meeting out with the Shukar bros?”

Arnav went on to explain his thoughts about the bros ,his concerns about doing business with them – but I need a reason to justify my decision “

“I’m tired Arnav and My head is beginning to throb so I am going to turn in  and since when does Arnav need to justify any decision -follow your gut -say No! anyone asks questions say you’re Arnav singh Raizada !”

Khushi dressed for the concert  she had an emerald green dress on with thin spagetti straps and a split up her dress that felt it hid nothing. She felt more exposed than covered. She didn’t feel comfortable  she didn’t like the fabric. She hated the dress. Who could she ask ?At this late stage what else could she wear ?

“Di Di Nani where are you ? ” she came out of her room and started coming down the stairs and a  hush descended in the lounge the guys looked till their eyes almost popped out.  Nani found her voice “Whats the matter Khushi Bitia “

“Nani ji, its this dress they have sent me i feel i have nothing on tell me what you think ?

“You look stunning Bitia but i think your dress reveals more than it conceals”

“Nani Ji I feel like I am being sold what can I wear that is green ?”

” Khushi I have new stock upstairs i have a sari that would look perfect on you if you trust me “

Upstairs in his room – do you trust me then go put this choli and petticoat on in the bathroon and I will drape your sari you will look perfect .

Khushi you looked stunning earlier but thats how only your husband should see you . You oozed sexuality in that dress . In this you will do exactly the same but leave a lot more to the imagination. There you’re done shall we go your carriage awaits me lady.

They came down stairs ,Khushi on arnav’s arm. They looked out of this world perfect made for each other .

He looked at her , she looked straight ahead.

“Nani ji what do you think of my plan isn’t she perfect for him. We will ask him tomorrow. Did you see how quickly he took her up to change – he is very possessive, she is only his and no one else’s to see. How long before he realizes that we asked her here for him. Shashi Uncle says yes to the rishta if Khushi agrees.”

Part ii epilogue

Three and half years later

Khushi sat in the poolside next to Joe. It was usually Joe that she discussed her problems , he was her sounding board , constant companion.

Joe always knew when his mistress had problems he nuzzled his head in her lap trying to offer her some comfort.

Joe what am I going to do? I am used to this I have never known anything difference. Me myself I, I manage with you and Arnav. Neither of you let me get into any kind of trouble. I have you both to help guide me but this. I don’t think i can manage this by myself.

“What can’t you manage by yourself?”

He walked across and kissed her on her lips. “In the time i have known you, that word hasn’t existed in your dictionary “

Khushi ran her fingers over his face stopping to caress his lips – he patiently waited what was she looking for ? what was she worrying about ? She must be really worried to be seeing his face this way, had someone said something to her ? There was nothing in the gossip columns about him -there had been nothing since she had come into his life -he was no longer news worthy since he was completely and totally obsessed with his wife.

Khushi come here, she heard him patting his thighs as he sat down she slid across and placed her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.

He felt the warm wetness through his shirt ,silent sobs racked her body.

What the hell had happened today ? The famous Raizada temper was rising, Khushi felt all his muscles tense like a tiger ready to pounce. “Khushi please stop and explain -I’m not like you, I am crap at reading people just tell me what is wrong and I’ll fix it, if i have done something wrong i will try and fix it, if someone has said something to you or done something to you I will probably kill them “

HP chose that moment to bring Arnav ‘s tea in and started sputtering his apology when he saw his bhabi in his Bhaiya’s lap “Maaf keri yeh Bhaiya (I am sorry Bhaiya ) He quickly placed the tea down and scurried out the room as though he was on fire.

Anjali caught HP running away back to the kitchen “HP what’s wrong ?” HP explained the senario that he had just experienced but “Anjali Di , if bhaiya or bha ..bha .. are ..are doing …anything …that I shouldn’t see, Joe always barks and stops me- that’s how I know – but Anjali Di, I think Khushi Bhabhi was crying !”

In all the time Anjali had known Khushi she had only cried a handful of times “Chote !” “Chote !”.

Arnav thought what was this place like, sometimes it was worse than the traffic at the Dehli interchange. “Di a minute I’m coming “

What should he sort out first sister or wife ? He picked up his phone “Di is it urgent ?”

“Why have you made Khushi cry ?”

“What – I made Khushi cry “

“Khushi I am really sorry i don’t know what i have done please tell me what did i do ?”

Khushi gave him a weak watery smile and indicated for the phone “Di your Chote did nothing  I just need to work out something and I will tell you later -OK”

“Arnav you have done nothing – well that’s not exactly true you are partly to blame”

“What ?- ok Khushi what have i done -i can’t stand your tears “

“Are you sitting down ?”

“Really Khushi ?In case you haven’t  noticed you are sitting in my lap”

“Ok I know this conversation is going to be all screwed up but here goes – I’m blind I have been as long as far as i can remember “

“10 out of 10 – your blind yet you can see more than most people so that’s a null and void statement “

“Arnav you’re biased – i have had too work twice as hard as anyone to get where I am today “

“That’s the norm for you so that statement doesn’t hold water with me!”

“What you take for granted I can’t see  the changing colours of the sun rising – but that doesn’t worry me be cause I have people like you to tell me what I can’t see remember you said it was like melted butter and strawberry swirling in a pot of cold blue”

“Khushi I don’t know where this conversation is leading to ?”

“Arnav I’m pregnant -“

Khushi and she was enveloped in a huge hug and followed by a passionate kiss his mouth and tongue and hands communicating his happiness to her then all of a sudden he stopped -“Whats wrong with you or the baby ?”

“Nothing “

“Neither you or the baby ?”

“No we are both fine – the baby is at risk from me !”

“What ?”

“Arnav I ‘m blind  how am i going to see if he or she  is in trouble , needs help , what if he or she falls where will i find him or her. The smallest task , the simplest thing looking after my baby how will I manage ?”

“Is that what all these tears are about ?– Khushi you have always managed and we will , you will.”

“A baby – finally I never thought it would happen – I don’t know I just wasn’t expecting it. Why all our bits function, this should have happened a long time ago”

“errr I was on the pill and still am !”

“Sooo what’s meant to be is meant to be – accidents happen- and this is a good one ! Khushi do you know I want minimum of three or four or five children.”

“Yeh while you’re not having them or carrying them let’s make it a half dozen !”

“Good idea – so glad you agree”

“Shut up Arnav and finish what you started !” grabbing his collar and pulling his face towards her.

“I thought I already had -you’re having a baby “

Khushi grabbed his collar and pulled his lips towards her “Kiss me properly!”

The real unspoken question was never voiced – that would wait -there was nothing she could do any way. Would her child be able to see . Please Devi Maya let her child be perfect- don’t make it harder for them than it had to be.

4 years and approximately 2 months after her wedding

She hadn’t been keeping well the last few days , her back was constantly aching. She sat on her bed trying to get comfortable the baby wasn’t due for another 4 weeks – God how she wished the 4 weeks were over..

She remembered Arnav introducing her soon after they had got married -someone had whispered she can’t see , he could have done better. She flinched ,he felt it, he heard it and he sorted it . He pointed out that she saw more than most ,the person underneath where most stopped at the surface she found the real person hidden away underneath and thats who she saw their true self. He knew he wasn’t worth her but he would try his damnedest to be. Later when Khushi wasn’t there he sent a message out in no uncertain terms that they would not be attending any events or functions that were attended or supported by the likes of Mrs Mehra .

Everyone got the message very quickly if you wanted to do business with ASR never say anything derogatory about his wife or make any kind of comment about her. She was strictly off limits to everyone.

Pain seared through Khushi , Joe ‘s ear’s pricked up and he came up to her. Khushi got up off her bed to reach the the phone and a second searing painripped through her body and she passed out on the floor.

Joe came up to her and nudged her and nudged her and then turned and ran down to the breakfast table.

Looking around , he spied Arnav about to close the door and barked .

Unbelieveable now he had to say bye to Joe as well! “Bye Joe “

Everyone at the breakfast table laughed how he had changed since Khushi had come into his life 4 years ago here he was saying bye to a dog .

the set of events that followed left everyone speechles. Joe growled bared his teeth and grabbed Arnav’s trousers pulling him back in the house .

” Stop Joe , Let go “

Arnav bent down and looked at Joe looked into his eyes and and whispered “Khushi”

Joe stopped growling and whined “Lead the way Joe quickly “

Joe raced ahead, closely followed by Arnav and then the rest of the family who by now had realized that this peculiar behavior of Joe could only be down to Khushi being in trouble.

The next 3 hours that followed were the longest that Arnav and Joe had to live through. The ICU team had done their best the babies were safe and in incubators 4 weeks early – two heart beats beating in unison and one larger child hiding the other one directly behind had gone unnoticed. Khushi had suffered sever blood loss but condition was stable but unconscious. Two days later out of ICU and on the road to recovery Khushi was introduced to her babies both boys -both perfect .

Khushi looked up at Arnav and whispered the question that hung in her mind unsaid “can they see?”

Khushi they are perfect in everyway they are responding to all tests as they should.

The floodgates opened “Thankyou Devi Maya for them “

“No Khushi I thank her for all of you

– for allowing me the privileged of seeing the world through your eyes

you came like an explosion of colour

Disrupting each fragment of my black and white life

You added shades to my  perception

You  blended my  corners, edges 

You  diluted my  anger

You melted my heart

You gave me sight

You  made me smile

You  made me laugh

You restored my faith

 You are my  heart

You complete me

And when I think You can give me no more ,

You do exactly that.

Thankyou Khushi